I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
