I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
