i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
