He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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