I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
