I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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