i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
