did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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