i don't like sucking hair
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
