i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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