she looked like the bat from fern gully.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
