i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
