they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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