I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
