Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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