She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
