May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
