lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
