Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize