She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
