He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
