Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
