we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
