For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
