Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
