People with herpes should wear stickers.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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