yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm passing your future prison.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
