Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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