my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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