Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
