apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
