i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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