what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
