I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
