tonight lets celebrate not being married
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
