FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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