I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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