the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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