I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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