so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
