i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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