I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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