Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize