help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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