people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
