yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
