Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
