Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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