He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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