I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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