There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
