You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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