i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
