How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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