i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
