i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
