Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
