how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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