it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I deserve this hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
