I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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