I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
