I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
