The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
