woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Panties = found
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize