I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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