ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
