I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
