Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
