We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
