Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
