My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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