Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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