dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
