And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
