you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
