Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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