There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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