there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
