He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he thought i was a dude.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
