What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
