I wish I could punch you in the face.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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