Jerry, you need to find god
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
